After a breakup, a single memory can still shake you hard.
The trip you took together. The night you fought, then made up. One moment that felt unusually intense.
In those moments, “It’s just your body playing tricks on you” can sound like a neat explanation.
It is usually too neat.
Dutton and Aron’s 1974 study examined whether physical arousal caused by fear or tension might be interpreted as attraction to another person.
It compared sexual imagery and later contact behavior in a very specific setting: a high suspension bridge, an unfamiliar female interviewer, and a short task.
You cannot apply those findings directly to longing after a breakup.
Missing an ex can hold many things at once: the time you shared, needs that the relationship met, conversations that never reached an ending, loneliness, and a longing for a familiar daily life.
Picking one cause and saying, “This is why,” may feel easier for a moment. It can also hide what you need now.
Try asking yourself instead.
Do I miss this person, or do I miss who I was at that time?
Is there real reason to believe the same problems would not repeat if we got back together?
Do I only want to reach out when I feel lonely?
The answers will not immediately tell you whether to reunite. They can keep you from treating your feelings as nothing more than a mistake.
Psychology research can offer clues that emotions are shaped by context.
No single paper can write the conclusion of your relationship for you.
Longing does not disappear because you call it “a mistake.”
It begins to settle when you understand what you have lost.
Source: Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510–517.